I really don't know why I'm posting this, I guess I just need to let out some thoughts. No one is usually around to listen - most people don't want to hear about your deeper though, if you have it.

I've found over time that the world forces me to become more and more shallow, less and less involved in every which way I can. My outlooks like the roots of a tree in a rocky place, twisting and churning as they're forced to migrate back in on themselves. The distubing thing is a tree in this case will grow mangled and deformed, never reaching its' full potential, struggling just to stay alive...

Even rooting this one thought out I've hoped not to strike another rockface, I can't handle too many more of them. I said before not to fight anything. This because I've fought things inadvertently just to avoid what I saw as 'the implosion of conscious awareness'.

I don't what to end up like that, unknowingly shallow and cold; Devoid of self. Another predictible bleep in the pulse-line of humanity, I couldn't stand that. I think this really is my greatest fear. No doubt a primordial fear - I don't want to die and that's what I see happening if I succumb to the ways of the mental diseases around me.

I know how all of this to so many would seem insane, would make me insane. I suppose that because I'm different to the majority that does make me delusional in some respects. Delusional being that I'm not in the same one as the majority, aka - the collective insanity.

I know it seems far-fetched but, the rock ways that surround my 'rooting thoughts' are the mental diseases of all those I meet everyday. Their opinions, their judgments, their ideologies, their stereotypes, their approvals and disapprovals, all of it a shroud of mental stigma blocking out what I see as sanity.

All I can really see is the madness of the Human Condition and until I learn to accept it and live with it whilst I'm human, I will, unfortunately, continue to suffer. At least for now I've accepted this.

Timmy GS, Out.